Apparently, Valentines day is like the time of year that I always have trouble with. I have nobody to share it with and it kind of pisses me off that I see all these lovey-dovey types making single people feel like shit. I am a single person, as of right now, and I hate seeing all the type of public displays of affection, only because I am not the one doing them. It makes me feel awful inside and makes me feel like its hopeless to continue searching for that special someone that I will be able to have a relationship with.
Back to the reason,
I recently went out and to my surprise, I was approached by a rather attractive women who within her current state had confused me with somebody she thought she knew. I explained that i wasn't said person and she was ok. I made to hang up my coat and she thought I was leaving. I told her I was just hanging up my coat. She then told me I was an attractive man. Whoa! This doesn't happen all that often. I thanked her and went to the other side of the bar. I told myself at the time that I didn't want to take advantage of her. I was wrong, I called myself an idiot when I woke up in the morning by myself. I think I was scared because of the infrequent attempts that women have had towards me, I didn't know how to react, but the biggest thing was that I didn't know what to say. Which is why I say i can't talk. My freinds all give me crap about how I warrant a pity fuck because its been years, but I don't think that is the way I want to go. I really just am confused and because of Valentine's Day, I get super confused. I don't know how to talk to women in general, but I also know that I am not trying either. Mainly for the reason that I promised myself that I wouldn't get involved with a women while I was finishing school. That worked for about four years, then I somehow turned on a women so much that she ended up turning me on and we had sex. Good sex, but still missing something. It wasn't her fault either, it was mine. I think too much. I know that doesn't sound very good, or convincing, but it was that lack of me finishing and the words, "I think we're done here." that have not really encourged me to go out and find another women who can fail at getting me off. That isn't a challenge, I don't want the distractions. I want to graduate from college, find a descent job, and find a women who can complete me, have kids, grow old together. That is all i want, is that too difficult to ask for?
