What is up with AT&T

I am an AT&T customer.  I have a dry-loop internet connection with DSL.  I've had the current wireless router/modem for about two years, a little over.  It is starting to decide on whether or not it wants to work.  Well, technology gets run down, I get that, I really do, it's normal wear and tear on the equipment.  Totally understandable.  However, what I don't get is why they can't send a new one to the AT&T store in my city.  Nope got go either 28 miles or 60 miles to the nearest AT&T stores.  Really, you can't just send it to that one.  Nope, they don't sell modems at that store.  So, you're telling me that the only reason that you can't send an already paid for modem to a store five minutes away from where I live is because they don't sell them.  I'm not going there to buy one, I am going there to pick the one I already paid for up from them.  Seriously?  I know it's not the poor Indian man's fault that he doesn't understand, but he explains to me that the computer in front of him is telling him that those are the two closest locations to where I live.   All I have to say is that AT&T better hurry up and figure out how to fix this.  Especially with gasoline being around four dollars per gallon.  The money I am trying to save by having them ship it to one of their stores so I can go pick it up will be what it would cost to put the gasoline in my car to go and pick it up.  So, yeah, not saving any money doing that.  So just pay the shipping cost and have them send it to my house.  Yeah, I lost it, I started just going off on why they can't just send it to the store where I live.  I apologized for yelling at the poor guy, his name was Raj, and I hung up.  Really, and why can't Americans do Tech Support, because it's cheaper to send it overseas to India.  Wow, I would think that it would be common sense to say,"Sorry foriegn countries and American Corporations, but us being the US Government, well, we think that all those jobs that you are shipping overseas, well we think those should go to all those unemployed Americans that are looking for work.  Given the current economic situation that we are in.  Don't worry, things will get better."  Thank you US Government for doing that.

Nope, that shit won't happen, wanna no why, cause according to their statistics, we only have a 13% unemployment rate.  What a joke, when the hell was this crap written, 1902?  The only way that you count for being unemployed is if you are a man, have applied for a job within the last four weeks and haven't been unemployed for longer than 6 months.  If you don't fit in that criteria, you don't count for unemployment.  You would think that there would be some kind of social breakout of "WTF US Government, that don't seem right, you should change that."  But there isn't.  Why?

How the US Government actually counts unemployment can be found here: http://www.bls.gov/cps/cps_htgm.htm#unemployed

So what now?

So, now I am a college graduate with a Bachelor of Science.  That degree has three majors, Physics, Mathematics, and Computer Information Systems (CIS).  This last major is most commonly interpreted as CSI and people think I'm gonna be on one of those shows.  I find this very funny.  Seriously, sometimes I even laugh out loud.  However, now that have this degree, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.  Funny how life just hasn't clicked.  I don't know if other people just have no idea what they want to do with there life or what.  I mean, when I was a kid, I wanted to be a mechanic, work on cars, but my dad always asked me why I wasn't outside helping when we were fixing a car.  Yeah, I was inside tinkering with my computer.  DOS 5.0, what an OS.  Yeah, not happening anymore.  But, that started another interest into computers.  I had always been fascinated with resistors, yeah, I don't know why, but I always tore apart old electronic things and never fixed them, but tore them apart.  So, when I did graduate from high school, I initially went to DeVry Institute of Technology in Addison, IL.  There I entered into the Electronic Engineering Technology program or EET.  yeah, trimesters and I would have a bachelor's in three years.  Yeah, it didn't work out.  I was gone a whole whopping year, had one job, then a funeral, then lost my job because of the funeral and yeah, 18 and stupid when it came to "oh, I should call work to let them know that I won't be there."  yeah, learned the hard way, which apparently hasn't changed in 14 years, cause now I'm gonna be 32 and I have completed two things in my life that I am proud of.  One being the Bachelor's degree, the second being my Tech license for HAM radio.  Yep, that's it.  I may have completed other things, but only those two are stuck in my head as achievements.  Well, I kinda wanna be a writer, but it's best to have something to fall back on, which is why I completed the Bachelor's degree with three majors in seven years.  So now what?

New Rant on the world

Ok, so I am bored, starting a new job/career soon and I just feel like writing some stuff down to get my thoughts out of my head. I kind of feel irritated by my sisters. One just had a stillborn baby, but I don't feel it necessary to drop my life onto hold just to go and hold her hand. My sisters didn't offer me any money, cause they know I am broke as shit, but they didn't, not for the gasoline it would take to go to the wake and funeral. So I didn't go. Does that make me an asshole, maybe. Still, I don't get it. I have always hated funerals only because they don't make any sense to me. I get that people mourn for the loss of a loved one, but it is just so frickin' depressing. They wait til after the funeral, and the've been drinking, cause that is what we do in Wisconsin after a funeral, go get wasted, anyways, they only talk about the good things the deceased has done after the funeral, the fun shit that makes you proud to be the assholes friend in the first place. Can't talk about that shit at the funeral? Wait. What? This doesn't make any sense because the only reason I am going to the funeral is for the free food and the booze and to maybe meet some chicks at the bar afterwards 'cause nothing gets people over death more than the opportunity to maybe create some offspring. Wait. What? That's right, funerals make people want to go out and have some of the best sex of their lives. This is just weird, but it makes sense to me, maybe it shouldn't, but that's the way my fucked up brain works, but oh well. Shit, its not like I am the only guy that thinks like this. People just don't have the gonads to admit that this is the way they feel. Everyone's got to be prim and proper, did I say that right? Anyways, just writing nonsense because if I am to become a famous writer, I need the practice and should be doing this kind of thing more often, but that's beside the point, or is indeed the point of so many conversations I've had with myself, but everyone talks with themselves everyday. I always kind of wondered if most people think in words, pictures/video or a little of both. I know I clearly think of things with video and pictures, very seldom does my mind flash words across. I know this cause I have thought about it quite some time, even though most people I have asked don't know how to respond to the question. I always thought it was a simple question, but apparently not. Of course, I could keep talking, even though I am indeed writing, but I think of myself saying these words and reading them outloud in my head as I write down on the computer screen what I am thinking. Kind of strange that I write that I am saying these words that I am indeed writing down to you. So, if you are a like minded individual, and I don't remember if I made this blog linked on my main page or not, but it doesn't really matter. This blog doesn't seem to be viewed by anyone, or if it is, they would never allow any of their friends to see that they are indeed following this blog since it is nothing but the writings/rants of a man who hasn't been laid in a little over a year, not that I am complaining, I have been able to concentrate on my studies and get two of my three majors completed for my first bachelors degree. I kind of am proud of me for that. Anyways, until I am bored again.

Introduction

Introduction

So this is my intro to writing that I haven't done in quite some time. In fact, I haven't written anything creative while attending college unless it was for a class. With time drawing closer to my graduation date; I hopefully can manage to write something successfull while maintaining my head above the proverbial floodwaters of homework and unemployment. I figure that I always hear that in order to become a successfull writer that the trick is to just write what comes to mind. Well, this is my opportunity to write what comes to mind and since today I heard of Stephen King's writing technique, well, I guess I can give it a shot. All i smell is toast. mainly because my roommate is making toast and making me hungry. Hungry like a Hippopotamaus, I can check the spelling later. Since I don't have a social life to speak of except that I have a group of friends that I game together with. Addiction. i have an addiction to caffiene and nicotine. I drink energy drinks every day just to move forward and I smoke cigarettes because I am bored all the time, but probably due to prolonged usage is my addiction to cigarettes. I want to quit, but it is easier said than done. I have tried before and failed. Failed, the word reminds me of a blogfail I saw, it had something to do with not allowing Jersey Shore within their store. It was funny at the time. I guess I can write about nothing inparticular, but I should probably give focus to my writing. Perhaps I can continue my story now.

I can't talk

Apparently, Valentines day is like the time of year that I always have trouble with. I have nobody to share it with and it kind of pisses me off that I see all these lovey-dovey types making single people feel like shit. I am a single person, as of right now, and I hate seeing all the type of public displays of affection, only because I am not the one doing them. It makes me feel awful inside and makes me feel like its hopeless to continue searching for that special someone that I will be able to have a relationship with.

Back to the reason,

I recently went out and to my surprise, I was approached by a rather attractive women who within her current state had confused me with somebody she thought she knew. I explained that i wasn't said person and she was ok. I made to hang up my coat and she thought I was leaving. I told her I was just hanging up my coat. She then told me I was an attractive man. Whoa! This doesn't happen all that often. I thanked her and went to the other side of the bar. I told myself at the time that I didn't want to take advantage of her. I was wrong, I called myself an idiot when I woke up in the morning by myself. I think I was scared because of the infrequent attempts that women have had towards me, I didn't know how to react, but the biggest thing was that I didn't know what to say. Which is why I say i can't talk. My freinds all give me crap about how I warrant a pity fuck because its been years, but I don't think that is the way I want to go. I really just am confused and because of Valentine's Day, I get super confused. I don't know how to talk to women in general, but I also know that I am not trying either. Mainly for the reason that I promised myself that I wouldn't get involved with a women while I was finishing school. That worked for about four years, then I somehow turned on a women so much that she ended up turning me on and we had sex. Good sex, but still missing something. It wasn't her fault either, it was mine. I think too much. I know that doesn't sound very good, or convincing, but it was that lack of me finishing and the words, "I think we're done here." that have not really encourged me to go out and find another women who can fail at getting me off. That isn't a challenge, I don't want the distractions. I want to graduate from college, find a descent job, and find a women who can complete me, have kids, grow old together. That is all i want, is that too difficult to ask for?

My Turn Please

I would love to just have some adventure in my life. Would it be to much to ask for some random violence to escalate near my location and engulf me within its loving arms so I can have some fun and succeed at becoming a hero or villian. I don't know which way I would go. I can't decide if I want fame or power more. Actually I do know, and that is what scares the hell out of me. I would so go for the power, especially if I could get away with it and survive the onslaught of those who would go against me and my pursuit of happiness. That is right, power is what makes me happy. Too bad the authorities have made it illegal to possess. It would make them lose power and I guess that they wouldn't like that too much. I do possess power, right now as I write these words down because I have a brain and I know how to use it. My thinking process might be a little jaded, but the synapses are still firing and there isn't too many blanks. I do believe that things happen for a reason and with the life I have, I think God must be afraid to let me go to the dark side. That is where I live. This world doesn't possess the darkness that I consume and take for granted. I would love to write of this darkness, and maybe one day I will. Now I think is too soon. Too soon to let you in on the secrets of what I am thinking. The dark paths that my brain takes just to get me going in the morning. Is indifference a sin? I know it is what is on my mind most times. Should I care anymore. Who is this person and why should I feel remorse? Why am I like this? What made me this way; was it TV, was it my parents, was I born this way? Questions seemingly hard to answer because I don't know where to go for the answers. Am I the only one who feels this way? Life is what you make of it; right now I am educating myself by being a student but I am almost done. Once I am done, that remains to be discovered. What will I become, where will I go, what will I do? More questions; what the hell is the right choice. Is life this way on purpose? More questions. Can I never get away from these nagging internal questions? AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Why can't life be like in the movies, that would be much simpler. I have seen a lot of movies. I like watching movies, but not as much as I like talking and writing. This seems more relaxing where movies make me more hyper; especially good movies or at least movies that I think are good; get the blood pumping kind of movies, make you want to cheer and root for that guy/gal in the movie. I just got done watching Crank and Crank: High Voltage back to back. I love how Chev just keeps going, nothing gets him down, just keeps going like the Energizer bunny, pun intended for those who have seens Crank: High Voltage. Yeah, and I love how Amy Smarts character totally got wiser from the first movie to the second. You don't see that in too many movies, the intellectual growth of a character. I loved it. Awesome. I wish my life was that exciting some days, where there is gunfights, car chases, beautiful girls everywhere in scantily clad clothing and bikinis. Yep, that's the life for me. I remember when I was a little boy and I first heard about a threesome and what it actually was, I told my friend that two women would never be enough for me, I am high, just like my mother taught me, I told him that six was the magic number. Me and six women, that was my fantasy. He just laughed. I just took pictures. He just cried. I laughed...

Then I told him the truth. The picture was a fake. I had no proof. I just walked away and I never saw him again. I honestly don't even remember his name. Too bad, would like to see what became of him. Maybe he will see this post and contact me by leaving a comment. It can happen; my mother told me so. She said, " You can do anything you put your heart into." and she also said, "Just believe, anything can happen." I love my mother and the confidence she has in me. She made me part of what I am today. She also would like some adventure in her life. Maybe when I become rich and famous, just working on the rich part, I will take her on her very own adventure. I am a good son. Honest.

Why does it feel like rain

Why doesn't it rain. Would it it be so bad to cool off in the ecstacy of a summer sprinkle. I would love to just sit outside in the rain and feel my rage wash away with the cool, crisp, compassionate droplets of the world's tears. Sometimes, like now, I just write with little to write about, so I am practicing because I want to write stuff someday and get recognized for my absolute genius and my corrupt sensitivity. Why do I talk, everything comes out wrong, but it sounds good and it also sounds like I know what I am talking about. I can't write enough about how much I want to write about subjects that take a person and submerges them into a magical realm of disbelief and contemplation. Would it be wrong to say that most things I have witnessed come nowhere near to the darkness that I will someday share with the masses of animals reading my novels of love and death, decay and rebirth. I might as well toss in some taboo subjects too because everyone loves reading about the death of small baby rabbits while chewing on bubblegum and mowing the lawn and running over the mother with the blades of chop, chop, chop. Maybe I am just disturbed, which is like the most lovely word in my world.

I don't invite enough people in to my world, I think they would be afraid. I have met maybe one or two kindred souls, but then again, their worlds are scary and fascinating to me at the same time my own world is scary and fascinating to me. Perhaps just writing down my thoughts and proclivities will somehow make me more sane in this screwed up world. People die every day, I don't see days upon days of broadcasting over them, but one one stupid rich person dies, its the end of the world because he did so much for society and made the world a better place and blah blah blah. Get over it. Sure, he did those things, honor him and move on. Don't linger on it. Move on. Just probably jealous because the way people remember him is the way that I want to be remembered, but I keep having these proclivities that I won't be remembered, I won't even get an honorable mention at my own funeral. Pity, it fills me up and self-doubt, but without them, one cannot enjoy the fruits of one's own labor. It makes sense that I should move on also and make something of myself and that should go for all the people in the world. Move on. Just keep going because you never know when the best thing in your life is right around the next corner. Keep going and move on. Don't give up, that is the weakest thing I have ever thought. Sure, suicide is a thought, don't be consumed by it. It isn't the answer. Look forward to better things. I know I use to laugh at sappy crap like this when I was younger, but I will tell you the truth. Positive thoughts bring positive rewards. I just started one day saying to myself in the mirror that I am the best looking guy in the world. Now I am the best looking guy in the world. I have no self-doubt left. That's not saying I know everything, but if I don't know something, I say I don't know something. Its not the end of the world. Big deal if I don't know this one little thing; the fact that your asking me about it means that the answer is someplace out there in the world, maybe on the web or in my dad's brain. Its a phone call away. So maybe you aren't that bad looking after all. Just believe in yourself and move on. I promise, good things will come and you will start believing just to believe in something because you have to believe in something even if it is "nothing" you believe in. Nothing is still something, yep, that is the line that I keep catching crap on. How can nothing be something. Nothing, its just a word, but that word has a meaning. Nothing could be thought of as the absense of something or of everything, but if you say you believe in everything, then you can say you believe in something. So if nothing is the absense of something than that too is something. So, you have to believe in something, which just might as well be yourself.