New Rant on the world

Ok, so I am bored, starting a new job/career soon and I just feel like writing some stuff down to get my thoughts out of my head. I kind of feel irritated by my sisters. One just had a stillborn baby, but I don't feel it necessary to drop my life onto hold just to go and hold her hand. My sisters didn't offer me any money, cause they know I am broke as shit, but they didn't, not for the gasoline it would take to go to the wake and funeral. So I didn't go. Does that make me an asshole, maybe. Still, I don't get it. I have always hated funerals only because they don't make any sense to me. I get that people mourn for the loss of a loved one, but it is just so frickin' depressing. They wait til after the funeral, and the've been drinking, cause that is what we do in Wisconsin after a funeral, go get wasted, anyways, they only talk about the good things the deceased has done after the funeral, the fun shit that makes you proud to be the assholes friend in the first place. Can't talk about that shit at the funeral? Wait. What? This doesn't make any sense because the only reason I am going to the funeral is for the free food and the booze and to maybe meet some chicks at the bar afterwards 'cause nothing gets people over death more than the opportunity to maybe create some offspring. Wait. What? That's right, funerals make people want to go out and have some of the best sex of their lives. This is just weird, but it makes sense to me, maybe it shouldn't, but that's the way my fucked up brain works, but oh well. Shit, its not like I am the only guy that thinks like this. People just don't have the gonads to admit that this is the way they feel. Everyone's got to be prim and proper, did I say that right? Anyways, just writing nonsense because if I am to become a famous writer, I need the practice and should be doing this kind of thing more often, but that's beside the point, or is indeed the point of so many conversations I've had with myself, but everyone talks with themselves everyday. I always kind of wondered if most people think in words, pictures/video or a little of both. I know I clearly think of things with video and pictures, very seldom does my mind flash words across. I know this cause I have thought about it quite some time, even though most people I have asked don't know how to respond to the question. I always thought it was a simple question, but apparently not. Of course, I could keep talking, even though I am indeed writing, but I think of myself saying these words and reading them outloud in my head as I write down on the computer screen what I am thinking. Kind of strange that I write that I am saying these words that I am indeed writing down to you. So, if you are a like minded individual, and I don't remember if I made this blog linked on my main page or not, but it doesn't really matter. This blog doesn't seem to be viewed by anyone, or if it is, they would never allow any of their friends to see that they are indeed following this blog since it is nothing but the writings/rants of a man who hasn't been laid in a little over a year, not that I am complaining, I have been able to concentrate on my studies and get two of my three majors completed for my first bachelors degree. I kind of am proud of me for that. Anyways, until I am bored again.

Introduction

Introduction

So this is my intro to writing that I haven't done in quite some time. In fact, I haven't written anything creative while attending college unless it was for a class. With time drawing closer to my graduation date; I hopefully can manage to write something successfull while maintaining my head above the proverbial floodwaters of homework and unemployment. I figure that I always hear that in order to become a successfull writer that the trick is to just write what comes to mind. Well, this is my opportunity to write what comes to mind and since today I heard of Stephen King's writing technique, well, I guess I can give it a shot. All i smell is toast. mainly because my roommate is making toast and making me hungry. Hungry like a Hippopotamaus, I can check the spelling later. Since I don't have a social life to speak of except that I have a group of friends that I game together with. Addiction. i have an addiction to caffiene and nicotine. I drink energy drinks every day just to move forward and I smoke cigarettes because I am bored all the time, but probably due to prolonged usage is my addiction to cigarettes. I want to quit, but it is easier said than done. I have tried before and failed. Failed, the word reminds me of a blogfail I saw, it had something to do with not allowing Jersey Shore within their store. It was funny at the time. I guess I can write about nothing inparticular, but I should probably give focus to my writing. Perhaps I can continue my story now.

I can't talk

Apparently, Valentines day is like the time of year that I always have trouble with. I have nobody to share it with and it kind of pisses me off that I see all these lovey-dovey types making single people feel like shit. I am a single person, as of right now, and I hate seeing all the type of public displays of affection, only because I am not the one doing them. It makes me feel awful inside and makes me feel like its hopeless to continue searching for that special someone that I will be able to have a relationship with.

Back to the reason,

I recently went out and to my surprise, I was approached by a rather attractive women who within her current state had confused me with somebody she thought she knew. I explained that i wasn't said person and she was ok. I made to hang up my coat and she thought I was leaving. I told her I was just hanging up my coat. She then told me I was an attractive man. Whoa! This doesn't happen all that often. I thanked her and went to the other side of the bar. I told myself at the time that I didn't want to take advantage of her. I was wrong, I called myself an idiot when I woke up in the morning by myself. I think I was scared because of the infrequent attempts that women have had towards me, I didn't know how to react, but the biggest thing was that I didn't know what to say. Which is why I say i can't talk. My freinds all give me crap about how I warrant a pity fuck because its been years, but I don't think that is the way I want to go. I really just am confused and because of Valentine's Day, I get super confused. I don't know how to talk to women in general, but I also know that I am not trying either. Mainly for the reason that I promised myself that I wouldn't get involved with a women while I was finishing school. That worked for about four years, then I somehow turned on a women so much that she ended up turning me on and we had sex. Good sex, but still missing something. It wasn't her fault either, it was mine. I think too much. I know that doesn't sound very good, or convincing, but it was that lack of me finishing and the words, "I think we're done here." that have not really encourged me to go out and find another women who can fail at getting me off. That isn't a challenge, I don't want the distractions. I want to graduate from college, find a descent job, and find a women who can complete me, have kids, grow old together. That is all i want, is that too difficult to ask for?